OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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