We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
