are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
