No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
