I got chris browned last night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
