New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dick very happy bro
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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