highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize