She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
