I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
