She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
