Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
