There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
