she was so not down for the gang bang
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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