I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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