I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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