some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize