Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
