Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
