kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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