I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
