I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
