i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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