i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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