i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
