im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
