Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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