We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
