nut hugger
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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