i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A+ Viking dick
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
