Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
