Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
