he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
