You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
