:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
