So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
