We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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