allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
