why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
