I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
