I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
