i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
