At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize