The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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