just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
