i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
