I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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