On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
