doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
