apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
