I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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