I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
