So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
