my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
