I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
