just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
