I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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