Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My balls are so social today.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
