Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
