Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
