she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
