insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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