I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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