Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
