she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
