sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
