I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
