I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
