just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize