This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i think i just lost a toe
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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