You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize