I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
