false alarm. still invincible.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
