This dress was meant to end up on your floor
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
