It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
