Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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