we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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