it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
