He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
