I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
