I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
