he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
