It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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