Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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